Helper Elms

Yesterday, we started asking more people to help out with wedding stuff.  My brother and one of the church pianists have agreed to help with music, we've got someone lined up to teach the swing dance lesson at the reception (and we have a lead on a co-teacher), a friend of ours agreed to run the music for the reception, and another couple people have been given a heads up that we will likely be asking them to do something, even if we don't know what yet.  Oh, and we have people to work the guestbook, too!  And maybe even an emcee for the reception.  We shall see.

Ring a ding DON'T

Well, we have a partial win on the rings.  He likes his, and it fits him fine.  So all we have to do for him is get it engraved.  Mine is too big (and I don't feel like paying to get it re-sized) and the diamonds are cloudy and don't sparkle at all.  Which:  what's the point?  So I'm returning it, and I think I will go with a plain white gold band instead.   

Planning a Life

We've started to talk about budget stuff.  Originally, we'd thought he would continue to teach part time and work another part time job while (theoretically) writing his dissertation.  But God has intervened.  The college where he's been teaching is reallocating their classes and giving their full time professors a heavier load, so it's by no means certain that he'll be able to teach with them this fall.  And the bookstore where he's been working part time is closing--the parent company declared bankruptcy, and his store is part of the fallout.  Of course, he could find something.  (One of the things I love about him is that he's not above working a humble job--he doesn't think he has to hold out for the perfect job.  He realizes that he needs to be working, and a job is a job, and if that means he mops floors, then so be it.)  But the truth is, it's hard for him to work part time and write his dissertation.  Especially since part time jobs tend to be a few hours several days a week, rather than a full day twice a week.  And once you head off to work, put in a four hour shift, and come home, well, it kinda puts a chink in your whole day.  So now we're wondering if this is God's way of clearing his schedule to work on the dissertation full time for a while.  After all, better to do it now than later when there may be children or who knows what all in the picture.  And the sooner he gets it done, the sooner he can apply for a full time position doing what he loves. 

So the new tentative plan is for him to spend the summer writing his dissertation.  If he has a draft ready by fall, then he can spend the fall getting the draft finalized with his advisor person (not sure what the technical term is) and applying for jobs and maybe working part time somewhere.  Then come spring, he can defend his dissertation and start interviewing for jobs (again, while theoretically working part time somewhere).  Neither of us sees it as ideal for me to be supporting us, but hopefully we'd just be living off my income for a few months, then he can start helping out with part time work, either in some sort of lower skilled job (retail, whatever) or by teaching a couple classes.

I was encouraged by our ability to work through this challenge.  We discussed it openly and calmly, and we both agreed that for me to be the only breadwinner long term would be unacceptable.  And honestly, while he is fine with me making more money than he does, he doesn't like the idea of me making all the money.  So the fact that I am supporting us may provide an additional catalyst for productivity, since he (like me) tends to procrastinate.

Dress WIN

I heart Nordstrom.  Let me just get that off my chest from the get-go.  I had never been before, but a friend told me they had a decent collection of reception dresses (so, short dresses), so I made an appointment.  A few days before the appointment, the saleswoman called me to chat about what I was looking for, what my style is, what kind of budget I was looking for, that sort of thing.  And not only was English her primary language (praise the Lord--I'm sorry, but it really does help), but she was completely nice!  Even when I told her my budget (which is not large, and which could very easily be grounds for a place like Nordstrom deciding that I am not worth their time and/or that I should be sneered at as often as possible). 

But the lady was totally nice, and when I arrived, she had like six dresses pulled for me, and three pairs of shoes, and some accessories.  She offered us bottled water (sparkling or still), and was pretty much just super sweet and helpful the whole time.  She even pulled out an iPad to google petticoat vendors (since she wasn't sure they could add petticoats there).

Anyway, the dress they had fit me, but only barely, so I ordered it a size larger--it should arrive in 8-10 business days (yay!), and then I will go in and get fitted for alterations (or, you know, decide I don't like it that much after all and send it back).

The best part?  Since it's essentially just a white silk (silk!) party dress, I got it for less than $200.  That's more like it.

There's a place for us, Part 2

We signed the lease!  BAM!  Dunzo.  We take possession in like 2 weeks, and we have a good month or so to get me moved in, and then until, you know, May to get him moved in.  So exciting!

Ring-a-ding kids

We ordered our rings!  Off Amazon.com (we're so classy).  His is a titanium comfort fit band with a cross engraved on the outside, and mine is a white gold band with a few tiny diamonds in a channel setting.  Hopefully it will be thick enough to engrave.  We may have to return them if it turns out we don't like them, but maybe we will like them!  Here's hoping...

Dress FAIL

The ebay seller sent me the wrong dress.  Granted, the dress was called a pencil skirt dress.  But the picture--actually, the many pictures, from multiple angles--left no doubt that it was the fuller skirted dress I was looking for.

Except that's not what they sent.  They sent the fitted one.  Which means that I may not be able to find the dress after all.  Other sellers were offering it, but in other sizes.  And the one other seller offering the dress in my size billed it as having "imperfections"--whatever that means.  What to do, what to do . . .

I do have an appointment at Nordstrom this weekend, and I plan to hit the mall looking for stuff, but I don't think it's terribly likely that I'll find anything.  Sigh.

There's a place for us...

I think we found an apartment!  It's a one bedroom just a few blocks from Union Station, in a safe area, within walking distance of my office AND church . . . and just around the corner from a coffeeshop.  We would be renting the ground floor of a row house--the landlords (a young married couple) live on the top two floors and are members of our church. There's another tenant in the basement, as well.  The couple that owns the place also has a dog, and they are excited for their dog to have a buddy.  They also have a little girl who loves dogs, and they are even interested in maybe having my dog come upstairs to play with her (and their dog) sometimes!  There's a washer and a dryer in the basement, a normal sized kitchen (for the Hill anyway), and a rounded bay window in the front room.  There are also windows in the bedroom AND the dining room (very rare for a row house).  And a fenced in area in the back--it's mostly gravel (they park their car there), but they're looking at turning part of it to grass.

All in all, it seems like a great place.  A little more than we'd hoped to pay, but we should be able to swing it. 

Say 'Maybe' to the Dress

I am not a fan of wedding dress shopping.  At most, I've been able to find dresses that were ok.  They were serviceable.  They would do.  And I was sort of fine with that.  After all, I've come to grips (mostly) with the fact that no matter what dress I get, I will still look like me.  And I probably won't find exactly what I want.  I'm not even sure I know exactly what I want.  So I am perfectly willing to settle for adequate. 

Except that even these "adequate" dresses are priced at upwards of $500.  And that's not counting alterations, which could be another $400 or even more.  So now we're talking about paying nearly $1000 for a dress I don't even like that much.  And I just . . . can't do it.

So instead, I bought a white cotton dress off Ebay for $50 (it's a style I already own and love in electric blue).  I'll use that as an emergency backup dress and keep prowling the department stores for something more affordable.

Here's the thing...

...a lot of "wedding" or "love" songs express fundamental false or troubling sentiments.  "You are my everything"?  False.  "I can't live without you"? False.  "You're an angel who can do no wrong"?  Waaaay false. "I would do anything for you"?  Nope.  "I need you"?  Eh, kinda?  I mean, I rely on him, sure, but I know I can live without him--I've done it for 28 years!

I didn't fall in love with him the moment I met him, I wasn't miserable until he came along, and I don't think I love him more than anyone else has ever loved anyone else in the history of the universe.  We didn't break up and then reunite.  I never almost lost him.  Our physical relationship has not outpaced our commitment, so all those songs about watching one another sleeping or lying beside one another and suddenly realizing you want to get married . . . that never happened.  Plus, I don't really go in for the whole "falling in love" thing.  I mean, you love someone.  Being in love with them . . . what is that?  Chemistry?  Attraction?  Lust?  Some subjective feeling that is at best unreliable and impossible to quantify?  And the songs that talk about how you couldn't help falling in love with someone?  How you were/are powerless to resist the throes of passion or whatever?  How is that helpful?  What's to stop you from uncontrollably falling in love with someone else?  Me no likey.  And even songs that promise to be together through eternity . . . they're false.  Marriage is temporary.  One or both of you will die, and in heaven the only marriage is that of Christ and His bride, the church.

So I guess what I'm really looking for is a song that says "You're awesome, I'm glad you came along (though even if you hadn't, God would still have been enough, but it was awfully nice of him to bring us together), and I choose to love you, and I'm looking forward to being married to you for the rest of one of our lives."

Oh, and I want to be able to dance to it.

Is that so much to ask?

Dance with my father

Ugh.  More choices.  And so much schlock.  We're thinking of combining the father-daughter and mother-son dances, so that knocks out the gender specific stuff.

• "What a Wonderful World," by Louis Armstrong (a great song, but everyone does this).
• "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," by Marvin Gaye (a definite possibility).
• "Sunrise, Sunset," from Fiddler on the Roof ( love it, but it's kind of mean)
• "You Are the Sunshine of My Life," by Stevie Wonder (maybe?)
• "Have I Told You Lately," by Rod Stewart
• "Stand by Me," by Ben E. King

Lots of cheeseball options.  Much to think about.

Here comes the bride . . .

He likes the traditional wedding march.  I . . . do not.  So here are some other ideas I'm kicking around.

• Handel's Water Music (piano)
• Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring (I would ask my brother to play on the classical guitar)
• Storybook Love (the theme from Princess Bride, also would be on classical guitar)
• Pachelbel's Canon in D (piano or guitar)
• Beethoven Sonata no. 8 Pathetique, 2nd movement (piano)
• Some well-known hymn tune, like
• The Lord Is King, Lift Up Your Voice
• St. Columba (The King of Love, My Shepherd Is)
• O Waly Waly (Though I May Speak)
• Old 100th (Praise God from Whom)
• Dona Nobis Pacem
• 
  

 Still thinking of more ideas.

They're playing our song . . .

Oh, wait.  They're not.  Because we have no song.  Which means we have nothing to dance to at the reception.  So I am brainstorming.

• "Always," by Irving Berlin.  A classic standard, and my grandparents' song.  A lot of the versions are super cheesy, but I like Willie Nelson's version (the gravelly voice counteracts the sweetness of the song), Kenny Rogers' version (ditto), and Frank Sinatra's version (he changes it to a swing beat halfway through).
• "Could I Have This Dance?"  His aunt and uncle's wedding song, I think.  A bit cheesy and a bit country for me.  But we'll see.
• "Crazy Little Thing Called Love."  One of my favorites, especially the Queen version (the HTB prefers Elvis or Michael Buble).  But some good friends of ours danced to it last summer at their wedding, so I'm not sure.
• "When I'm 64," by the Beatles. Fun and lighthearted, not slow and sappy.
• "Happy Together," by the Turtles.  Great song.
• "I Got You," by James Brown.  Fun and unexpected. 
• "Love Will Keep Us Together," by The Captain & Tenille.  So fun.
• "Come Go With Me."  Fun and swing-able.
• "How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)," by Marvin Gaye. Swing.
• "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)," by the Proclaimers.  Supposedly a swing dance.  Not sure.
• "Moondance," by Van Morrison. Slow swing.
• "With This Ring," by the Platters.  Another one some friends have done.  Slow swing.
• "Open Arms," by Journey.  Waltz.  And hee.
• "Play Me," by Neil Diamond. Waltz.
• "It Had to Be You," probably the instrumental version from When Harry Met Sally...  Fun swing number.
• "Our Love Is Here to Stay."  Ditto, if a little slow.
• "I've Got You Under My Skin."  Ditto.
• "More (Theme from Mondo Cane)."  Cute swing number.
• "Hold You in My Arms," by Ray LaMontagne.  Waltz. 
• "Fly Me to the Moon."  Swing.
• "The Best Is Yet to Come."  Swing.
• "Because," by Dave Clark Five.  Rumba.
• "More Today Than Yesterday," by Spiral Starecase.  Swing.
• "Why Do Fools Fall in Love?"  Swing, and sort of ironic?
• "Put a Lid on it," by Squirrel Nut Zippers.  Swing, and ironic.
• "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off," by Louis Armstrong. Slow swing, funny.
•  "All Shook Up," by Elvis Presley.  Swing.
• "Teddy Bear," by Elvis Presley.  Swing.
• "Little Less Conversation," by Elvis Presley.  Swing, but possibly inappropriate? 
• "Burning Love," by Elvis Presley.  Swing, but possibly inappropriate?
• "Sway," by Michael Buble.  Rumba.
• "Oh, Boy!" by Buddy Holly.  Swing, but possibly inappropriate.
• "Can't Buy Me Love," by the Beatles.  Swing.
• "Higher and Higher," by Jackie Wilson. Swing.
• "Wear My Ring," by Elvis Presley.  Swing.  
• "Yes, Sir, That's My Baby."  Swing.

More to come as I think of them.  Ugh.

TBD

Things yet to be figured out:

Food.  I have a tentative menu, but am still figuring out who will do food preparation.

Dress.  No idea.  Hoping it won't be too expensive.

Hair/Makeup.  Have some leads, but it's looking more expensive than I thought, so I'm not sure.

Flowers.  I have someone to do them, but am not really sure what I want yet.

Colors.  Again, I have idea, but haven't finalized them.

Music.  I think I want my brother to do the music, and maybe one of the church pianists, but I need to talk with the HTB.

Rings.  Almost decided, but need to be ordered.

Invitations.  No idea.  Expensive.  Ick.

Favors.  Pinwheels?  Squirt guns?  Bubbles?  Candy?  Used books? Books we both own that we no longer need 2 copies of?

Rehearsal Dinner.  ICK.

And probably a bajillion other things that have yet to occur to me.

Honeymooners

We found a spot!  The Wilderness Inn, in North Woodstock, New Hampshire.  It's got great reviews, a killer breakfast (none of this muffin-and-a-banana nonsense some bed and breakfasts try to pull), a super cute honeymoon cottage with a whirlpool bath and a deck overlooking the river, and it's totally affordable!  We will fly into Manchester, which is crazy cheap on Southwest, and you can even check a bag.  So the whole thing will be less than we budgeted!  Hallelujah! 

(We'd originally talked about going to London or the Caymans--former pastors of our church now pastor churches there--but that's more expensive (in airfare and lodging) and we don't have current passports, so that would be another $300 . . . plus folks we know said they wished they hadn't picked honeymoons far away with crazy travel because they were just so exhausted after the wedding.  And rumor has it that it is inadvisable to go to touristy places, because you may or may not be inclined to go out and see stuff.  You may just want to relax.  So people recommended somewhere a) close, b) cheap, and c) with stuff to do if you want, but nothing you'll feel bad about not doing.  Hence: New England.  Close enough to travel to the night of the wedding, cheaper than many places (it's still sort of chilly in May, so the rates are lower), and plenty to see and do . . . if we feel like it.)

Anyway, the reservation is made, the HTB is buying tickets and reserving a car (the bed and breakfast is like an hour and a half from the airport), and we are good to go.  YAY!  Praise the Lord!

Money saving ideas

Flowers.  A friend from church has agreed to arrange them.  That means I can buy wholesale!  Also, I am only having one bridesmaid, so it will just be my bouquet, hers, and decorations. 

Corsages/Boutonnieres.  The HTB and best man will wear pocket squares.  The ushers (and male helpers) will wear ribbons.  The female helpers will wear felt flower pins.  Only the moms and grandmas will get real corsages. 

Cake.  My roommate is making it.  And not just a top cake on top of 2 layers of icing-covered styrofoam.  A full cake.  Not sure what the ingredients will cost for this, but I plan to reimburse her for the costs.  And I told her I don't want a wedding gift from her.  This is more than gift enough.  (She's actually really excited to do it--her mom used to make wedding cakes all the time, and she's been wanting to try, so I don't feel too bad about having her make it.)

Food.  Hoping to have folks at my church help out with food prep. There's one lady in particular who does a lot of weddings for the church, so she would probably be the one to get.  I'm told other people were able to have her do the food for about $12 per person.  But we're thinking very simple, inexpensive breakfast foods--sausage, egg, & cheese casserole, french toast casserole, cheese grits casserole, hash brown casserole, maybe some quiches, and then some pastries and fruit--so I am hoping we can get that down to $10 per person.

Reception Hall.  Using a community building.  It's affordable to begin with, but the HTB is a county resident and he gets an extra discount.  Tables and chairs are included, and you can rent the warming kitchen for a low hourly rate.

Bridal Accessories/Decorations.  It seems like someone gets married at my church every weekend.  I plan to beg, borrow, and, well, borrow everything I can.  This includes veils, jewelry, flower girl baskets, vases, etc.

Other Decorations.  I'm sure we'll have to buy some stuff to decorate the church and reception hall.  But I am going with a very simple style for the wedding, so fewer decorations will be perfectly consistent with that theme.  Also, the church and the reception hall are fairly pretty to begin with, so that should help.

Music. I am hoping to have my brother help out with music during the service, and maybe one of the church pianists.  And another friend from church might be the DJ (or the overseer of the iPod).  Of course, I would still give them thank you gifts, but it will be a lot cheaper than hiring musicians and a DJ. (Essentially, I am trying to get friends to do stuff wherever possible--labor in lieu of gifts.  We'll see how it pans out.)

Photography.  We're using a girl in our church who's sort of new to photography.  She's been the second shooter at a couple weddings and done some engagement photos, but this will be her first time as primary on a wedding.  As a result, we're getting a great deal.

Videography.  We might not have this at all.  If we do anything, we'll just use the church's video equipment (they record the sermons on Sunday) for the ceremony--very low-tech--and then have friends informally get video of the reception.

Rings.  His will be titanium.  Mine will be white gold, maybe with diamonds, but fairly small and simple and not too expensive (I hope).  We're going to pay extra for engravings, but still, it counts as cutting costs.

Dress.  I think I want a shorter dress.  And simple--not much in the way of lace or beads or anything.  In theory, this should be cheaper.  However, since most dresses are long, so if I can't find one already short, transforming a long dress into a short dress will likely cost an arm and a leg in alterations.  Also, I tend to prefer natural fibers, which are more expensive.  Then again, I think I am, like, morally and psychologically opposed to paying an insane amount for a dress I will only wear once.  And for like a day.  I want to check out this place--you can mix and match silhouettes, including short ones, and they use almost exclusively natural fibers!  If it works out, it could be totally doable.

Check!

Things we have figured out for sure:

1)  Ceremony.  This will take place at our church.  On May 7th.  Well, pending the successful completion of our premarital counseling (Christian equivalent of 'knock on wood').  We were hoping for a Sunday wedding--an old-school Puritan-style wedding where you have a completely normal church service and at the end there's like a 10 minute wedding.  Just the vows and maybe a song and a bible reading.  BAM.  No muss, no fuss.  But that got shot down, and we're having a plain old Saturday wedding.  In the morning, we think.  Probably at like 10:30am, but we're not sure.

2)  Reception hall.  It was a little hairy for a while (many of the venues charge you upwards of $4000 just to walk in the door . . . then they require you to hire a licensed professional caterer (average cost: $50-$150 per person), and the restaurants with private dining options require that you spend a minimum of like $10,000--eek!), but we finally found a place with a more reasonable rental cost.  AND they will allow us to arrange the catering however we want--including ladies from church!  (Actually arranging the catering remains on our to-do list.)  AND the place is easy to get to, close to a (free on the weekends) parking garage, and metro accessible.  AND there are hotels nearby for out-of-town guests.  AND it's a ballroom, so we can dance!  AND there's a warming kitchen for food.  AND it's pretty.  See?

We're only renting half of it, but that should still be ample.  Such an answer to prayer.  (And it happened super fast, too--I found out about it on like a Wednesday morning, and found out it was available when we needed it.  That afternoon, we had a snowstorm in DC, so I got out of work a couple hours early, and HTB and I zipped up to Maryland to take a look see before closing time.  And . . . DONE.)  God is awesome.

3)  Photographer.  Another Godsend.  After freaking out over the potential cost of photographers, I emailed a bunch of newly married women in the church to ask for recommendations/estimates on what they paid.  And lo and behold, one of the girls is actually looking to become a professional photographer!  She's been the second shooter on a couple weddings and has done several sessions of engagement photos.  She agreed to give us a crazy low rate, which we snapped up!  So now we get to save beaucoup bucks and help a sister build her business.  Praise the Lord. 

TONS left to do (dress, food, rehearsal dinner, etc.), but it's nice to have some of the big stuff out of the way.

Greetings and Salutations!

I am getting married.  May 7th.  94 days from today. 

There is a LOT to do.

I have a LOT on my mind.

This is where it will all end up. 

Enjoy!  (Or, you know, not.)